• koi no yokan (恋の予感 – “The premonition of love”)


    Title: Koi no Yokan
    (恋の予感 – “The premonition of love”)

    The subtle sense, upon first meeting someone, that you will inevitably fall in love with them.

    There are certain nights that don’t end.
    Not in sleep.
    Not in silence.
    Not even in forgetting.

    I met her between two seconds. Not a full moment

    no, something briefer. Something before memory, before decision. The way a drop of ink might already know it’s meant to spill into a poem. That’s when I felt it: koi no yokan, not quite love, not yet, but the certainty that it will be.
    I think my heart bowed before I did.

    She didn’t say much. But it was the way she looked at empty chairs, as if they all remembered someone. The way she picked at coffee mugs like the rim held secrets. You don’t fall for people like her.
    You remember that you already did.

    I tried to fight it with logic, measured breaths, practiced detachment. But koi no yokan is a liar. It doesn’t scream. It doesn’t ask. It settles. Like smoke in a closed room. Like light through paper walls.
    And that night, I wasn’t breathing smoke, i was inhaling her inevitability.

    I don’t know her name.
    But I know I’ll love her.
    And in some ways, maybe I already do.
    That’s the cruelty of koi no yokan
    it’s not love.
    It’s worse.
    It’s the whisper before the scream.
    It’s the outline before the absence.
    It’s knowing the fire is coming, and warming your hands anyway.

    And if you ever feel it…
    You’ll understand.
    This wasn’t a meeting.
    It was a prophecy.

    aaditya

  • If you’re out there, eyes closed, I hope they open in a world where you remember how I held the screwdriver wrong but tried anyway.

    I left the tap running again. Not for the water, not even by mistake, but because I needed to hear something constant. The sound covers the slow erosion, the way your voice echoes less and less in the furniture. It’s strange, how absence doesn’t shout but hums. Like a fridge left unplugged, still warm inside. I tried to fix it by rearranging the chairs, hoping the shape of the room would summon you back. But now the walls look confused, and so do I.

    I keep thinking if I could just find the right frequency, between apology and defiance, I could broadcast the version of us that never cracked. But radios don’t speak tree. And lately, I’ve been turning into one: rings of memory tightening around hollow bark, reaching out with broken branches that pretend to bloom. Do you remember the apricot season? I bit into one and tasted your name, rotten at the pit. I kept eating.

    They told me not to swim in the lake after dusk, but I went anyway, arms tired from holding all the “what ifs” above water. I thought maybe if I drowned in something that wasn’t metaphor, you’d see it on the news and call. But you never liked water. Said it reminded you of things slipping. Maybe that’s why you left like a tide no one noticed pulling back, taking my reflection with you. I’ve been trying to skip stones with my grief but it just sinks.

    I know, rights and wrongs are carved in wet cement, and we never agreed on when it dried. You said rules were for people who forgot how to love, and I laughed like a coward. If I could go back, I’d let your madness win more often. You were always trying to show me the other side of the page, but I kept tracing the lines that were already written. Now I fold paper cranes hoping they’ll fly toward wherever you’re not pretending.

    It’s that time again. The clocks slow, the air thickens, and I find myself lagging behind days that never looked back. I miss you in the way the mirror fogs before a face appears. In the way my hand still reaches for a switch that no longer lights anything. If you’re out there, eyes closed, I hope they open in a world where you remember how I held the screwdriver wrong but tried anyway. Maybe that’s enough. Maybe this was never about fixing. Maybe I just needed to be seen breaking.

    aaditya

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