• from me, for Her

    There are people who arrive in your life like a quiet kind of clarity. Nothing about them asks for attention, and yet everything about them holds it. Not in a way that overwhelms you, but in a way that settles you. Like something in the world has gently fallen into place without needing to explain itself.

    She has that kind of presence. The kind that does not try to be understood, and maybe that is why it is. There is a softness to her that is not fragile, a steadiness that does not need to prove its strength. It feels honest. Effortless in a way that cannot be rehearsed.

    I think what stays with me the most are the details that no one really talks about. The quiet pauses before she speaks, as if her words deserve care. The way her smile never feels like a performance, only like something that happened naturally, something that belongs to the moment and not to anyone watching it. Even the smallest things seem to carry a kind of meaning when they come from her.

    And then there are her eyes. Not just blue, but the kind of blue that feels like distance and depth at the same time. The kind you do not try to define because it would ruin it. Some things are not meant to be understood fully. They are meant to be experienced, even if only for a moment, even if only from afar.

    There is a quiet strength in the way she exists. It is not loud, not demanding, not something that needs to be announced. It is simply there, woven into the way she moves through the world, into the way she holds herself, into the way she continues without needing recognition for it.

    And somewhere in all of this, without a clear beginning, without a moment you can point to and say this is where it started, something gentle takes shape. Not something urgent. Not something that asks to be named. Just a feeling that sits comfortably where it is, like it has found the right place to exist.

    It does not need to become anything more to be real. It does not need to be spoken to be understood. It is enough that it is here. Enough that it feels the way it does.

    Because sometimes, the most beautiful things are the ones that are simply appreciated. Quietly, honestly, without expectation. The kind of feeling that does not try to change the world but somehow makes it feel softer anyway.

    aaditya.

  • If the world ended in Her name

    Kafka wrote, in one of his letters to Milena, that “Dear Milena, I wish the world were ending tomorrow. Then I could take the next train, arrive at your doorstep in Vienna, and say: Come with me, Milena. We are going to love each other without scruples or fear or restraint. Because the world is ending tomorrow.”

    And then I think of you. Not in a way that is linear, not in the way that sane minds think of another, but in a way that bends in on itself, like light trying to fold back into its own shadow. What Kafka said, I wish to say, though with a trembling that I cannot hide. If the world did end tomorrow, I would not ask for explanations, for your careful reasons, or for the logic you cradle in your palms like broken glass. I would only say, “Come with me. Let us love like cowards never could.”

    But the world does not end. And therein lies the cruelty. It keeps moving, like an unkind clock that mocks the weight of our longing. And so I circle around you, endlessly, in words that refuse to arrive.

    I wonder if my love for you is an apocalypse already disguised as devotion? Because every time I think of your name, the world does collapse for a moment, the streets blur, the air trembles, and my chest becomes a house with all its windows shattered open. Perhaps the world ends a thousand times a day, but only for me. And you, you walk untouched, unaware, as though immune to the ruins I carry.

    Yet, if I had his courage, the courage of Kafka, who never quite had the courage, I would come to you and say, “The future is a lie; tomorrow is a fraud. Let us burn the maps and calendars and live in the violent honesty of this second.” Love me now, not later, not someday, not when the world gives permission, but now, as though the world had already ended, and the silence after the end belonged to us.

    But I do not come. I only write. And writing is my cowardice & my devotion braided into one long, endless, unraveling confession. So, in the end, I keep loving you through my words. Because even the words and worlds might end, but my love for you won’t. 

    aaditya.

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